For as long as I could remember, there was always two Deborah's. There was the Deborah who took care of everyone - partners, children, friends, work teams, and all the 'stuff' that had to get done. She put everyone else's needs ahead of her own. This Deborah took on more than her fair share - to the point of it not always being healthy for anyone. To classify it properly, this Deborah was an enabler - disguised as a 'do-er'. She was the gal whose kept her head down, worked hard and long, and did what it took to get it done - herself. This Deborah is more than resilient. She is stronger than strong and has more tenacity than ten women combined. It might sound impressive, but it's not. It is not always a good trait. Then there is the other Deborah. This other Deborah is a woman who has passion, is creative, and childlike with wonder, exploring anything she wants, when she wants, and how she wants. Who likes to be challenged to go to the fringes of her comfort zone and come out the other side with exhilaration, joy and laughter. She is confident and able. She is motivated and energized when engaging with individuals who are intelligent, passionate, and self-directed life-long learners. She becomes a better version of herself with each lesson. This Deborah deeply feels and she can actually hear the Universe directing her. She heeds its divine wisdom, trusting the journey and revels in the experience. She is grateful and humble. She seeks purity and is guided by compassion.
Between the two Deborah's, the first one was always out front in the lead. The other was waiting on the inside for her turn. Sometimes she'd be let out to play. Those days were grand! As the years went by, I often wondered if she'd ever be allowed to be in the front, taking the lead.
Back in 2001, the year produced a particularly difficult time on many fronts. Between my failing marriage and the terrorist attacks, it became an unsettling time. It was also a wake up call. No matter how faithful, committed, and loyal you are, how much you sacrifice to do the right thing, others will not always live with the same ideals and beliefs. They will make different and detrimental choices and you have no say in it. So, this year was the beginning of learning that putting yourself last, to be too selfless was a recipe for regret. It was the year I adopted two phrases - "It's my turn" and "Just do it".
Over the next thirteen years, I began to learn how to 'just do it' because 'it's my turn'. While I was instructed to not go to earn my undergrad degree while the resources were used to invest in my spouse's master's degree, I finally no longer asked for permission. I just did it because it was my turn. It was empowering. This was one of many baby steps I took and the journey would take another thirteen years and more lessons to be learned.
To kick-start my new life post divorce, I decided to take a trip to India with some close friends. I just knew that India would allow me to look within and begin to balance the two Deborah's.
During the trip, I meditated, reflected and gave control to God and my guides. I listened to my heart and began to learn how to interpret my guides' language and direction. The Universe gave me signs to show me how I was doing on my journey - allowing the two Deborah's to live in a more harmonious balance. Finally, it was my turn. My chance to not only be a happier person, but to be a better mother, role-model, and friend.
This is why this blog is called, It's My Turn. Everyone has a chance to live a balanced, more harmonious life. It begins with believing and knowing you are in charge of your life. It happens when you act in charge and 'just do it'. Take charge now because it's your turn and you deserve a more harmonious, happier life.
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